The Unexpected Gift…

I belong to a Toastmasters group.  It helps me work on my presentation skills, but the real value for me is the group of people I have come to respect and care about.  There is a side benefit that I never would have identified even if you had given me days to make a list of positive outcomes from participating with them.  That benefit is the opportunity to listen to the personal stories of others….the wonderful, interesting, emotional, revealing personal stories.

In the last few weeks I have heard people chronicle personal experiences with building a business including all the tough situations, hard times, and poignant moments of uncertainty and decision that caused them many sleepless nights.  I have been regaled with stories of great physical challenge and accomplishment as a speaker relived outdoor adventures.  I have listened as speakers, choked with emotion, spoke of a child suffering from serious or life-taking illness; or recalling a friend lost in battle; or detailing the plight of a parent’s struggle with memory loss.

These are more than personal stories.  To me, they are the fabric of our lives.  They are the tapestry woven from our relationships, our experiences, our scuffles with live and all that it puts into our days.  The stories show the great strength, determination and character that individuals can display when faced with some of life’s most challenging moments.  I find myself thinking about each story as I drive back to the office after our Thursday early morning sessions.  I replay the words and wonder how the experiences changed the speakers’ life.  I use the stories as examples in presentations I make with clients, or in conversational exchange with others to illustrate a point.  I had a chance, after one such speech, to talk with someone about the design and building of the B-52 bomber that I had only learned a few days earlier.  In short, I learn and I experience more because of the sharing of these wonderful, fascinating people.

But here is the extra learning for me from these experiences – I now walk down the street, sit next to someone on a plane, meet someone in a business appointment and I wonder what is his/her story.  What past circumstances have they encountered, how did they handled it, what did they do, how did it feel, what impact did it have on their future are all questions that scoot around in my brain.  Each of us has something to give to others.  It isn’t just our individual expertise, it is more than that.  We can give hope, support, new insight, and a host of other positives to one another.  If only we will take the time to get to know one, trust and be personal with one another.

I was told once that business is just that, business.  It isn’t personal.  But I think that “they” had it wrong.  The best business relationships, the best friendships, the best sense of being connected to our world comes from in-depth information about who the other people in our lives really are, understanding how they have come to be the person that we know.

We all live with so much pace, so many demands.  Taking time for stories, to listen, learn and care creates lasting connection and closeness.  And it is my opinion that there is just too little of that for most of us.  So to all who have shared their personal stories in whatever venue; to all you have enriched the lives of others, thanks for giving the rest of us a chance to know you and ourselves so much better.  You are now a part of the tapestry of our lives, and we are the  better for it!

Bad Things – Good Responses

Have you ever considered what the world would be like if bad things didn’t happen to good people?  I know that may seem like an odd question, but I think the answer to it is powerful.

Here is my train of thought – Awful things happen to really good people.  Sons or daughters die in traffic accidents; children are kidnapped and then killed; medical diagnoses are given to vibrant alive people and over time life oozes out of them and we are left with memories not their presence; fires, wars, economic crises, the list of bad things is far too long. 

However there are those who take these horrible, unspeakable events and turn them into positives for the rest of us.  There are the Gilda Clubs, free services, resources and support for families dealing with cancer.  These were started as  a result of Gilda Radnor’s unsuccessful fight against ovarian cancer and because it was identified just how much people and their families struggling with the disease needed information, nurturing and a safe place to talk about their fears and needs.  There is the hugely popular and successful show “America’s Most Wanted” founded by John Walsh as a result of his son Adam’s kidnap and murder.  This show and website have contributed to the arrest and prosecution of literally dozens of criminals who have committed revolting crimes against the most defenseless of our population, children.  There is MADD which is described as “We’re dads and daughters, sons and uncles, friends and neighbors.  And mothers.” And their mission “is to stop drunk driving, support the victims of this violent crime and prevent underage drinking.”  The organization was founded out of anger and loss of children because of drunk drivers.

These are just three instances where the “bad thing” that happened to one or more good persons generated a groundswell of support to rally for a cause.  For some it is turning pain into action.  For others is it the fervent hope that what happened to them never has to happen to someone, or their families.  Regardless of the rationale, the outcome is the birth of activism surrounding a particular concern or evil.  It is a small group of people saying we can make a difference for others. 

Margaret Mead put it this way, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world.  Indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”  The individuals responsible for the groups mentioned above, and countless other positive responses to horrible life events, have risen above their pain, loss, anger, and despair to bring new meaning to what they had to endure. 

We are the beneficiaries of those efforts in two ways.  First, there are resources for us if ever we have to travel the road they traversed.  They have made it easier to connect, to learn, to feel less alone in our darkest moments.  But they also have taught us what our response can be if something tragic enters our lives.  We may have moments of extreme anguish, but if we choose, we can channel that deep emotion into positive actions to help ourselves and, at least as importantly, help others who must walk the same path. 

Bad things are happening at work for many of us.  These are compounded by other bad things that are happening around us, in our neighborhoods, in our places of worship, in our communities.  Some people are hunkering down hoping that the storms of despair and loss will simply blow over the top of them and leave them relatively untouched. 

We can not always choose what happens to us, but we can choose our response.  We can choose to have those life-altering events become catalysts for the good things that people need when the bad things happen.  These are good questions for us to ask – what am I doing to make the bad times a little more bearable for others; what need do I see that I can meet; what can I call upon my better nature for strength and positive action in this time of distress?

Better Than an Apple….

Children under the age of seven do it 300 times a day.  Adults only do it 17 times a day.  What is it – it is laughing.  What happens to our sense of humor between childhood and adulthood that so dramatically reduces the frequency of us laughing?

There is substantial evidence that laughter is good for us.  According to an article on Web MD last year, “Some studies have shown that humor raises infection-fighting antibodies in the body and boosts the levels of immune cells.”  Norman Cousins, who wrote the best selling book Anatomy of an Illness would agree.  He was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis which is a very painful spinal condition.  He was concerned about traditional medical approaches which had proven very ineffective in treating the disease, so he left the hospital, checked himself into a hotel and prescribed laughter for himself.  He watched hours of TV sitcoms, Candid Camera episodes, and hilarious movies.  After only minutes of laughing out loud, he found that he could sleep pain free for a couple of hours.  He credits he laughter therapy for saving his life and his sanity.

There are now specific courses of treatments called “clown therapy” and “humor therapy” that are designed to augment other medical regimens.  Magic, jokes, stories, costumes, and music all contribute significant elements to the core purpose – create situations that inspire giggles, chuckles, and belly-laughs. 

I have an acquaintance who is in the humor business.  His name is Allen Klein, and he refers to himself as a Jolly-tologist. He must have taken his name for the course of study that is dedicated to solely to studying laughter.  It is called gelotology.   He learned about laughter when his wife was dying of cancer.  They did their best to ensure that everyday contained shared laughter.  And while there was pain, both physical and emotional, Allen and his wife celebrated the time they had together with pranks on one another and on anyone else who got close to them.  They relished their collective sense of humor, and it made the tragedy of what was occurring more bearable.

At work we have the opportunity to use humor to bring us closer together.  Sure, there is the need to sensitivity.  We don’t all find the same things funny, and some of us are more sensitive than others.  But humor can increase goodwill and forbearance amongst workgroups, and both of those are very positive workplace characteristics.

Humor at work doesn’t always happen naturally, especially during these difficut times.  We have to expressly permit it, plan it, encourage it, and enjoy it.  Managers and organizational leaders must instigate humor.  Wacky costumes on Halloween, water balloon tosses or dunk tanks for executives at the company picnic, and impromptu comedic moments between co-workers create a lively and engaged workplace.  (Sometime ask me about the giant spiders that lived in our office and then traveled the world for a time.  It was a running joke that lasted for months that had everyone speculating about what would happen next.)

In an article entitled “Humor Improves Communications” written by Paul McGhee, PhD, he suggests the following to appropriately use humor to enhance relationships:

•  Be sure humor is relevant to the point you are making
• Make your point; add a little humor, and then make your point again
• Collect jokes and cartoons that are applicable to your organization – use them in presentations, newletters, or just post them on a bulleting board
• Use humor to start conversations or meetings.  One you might consider is “After numerous requests, this meeting is being held anyway.”   Or come to the meeting with a bulls-eye on your shirt if you know that you are going to be the target of some challenges because of a decision that has been made.

Making humor part of each day, finding things to laugh at and people to laugh with, seeing the preposterous in situations can lighten our spirits, and make the problems of our work and lives a little easier to address. 

For more on how to make your workplaces lively, laugh-filled, and enjoyable, read the material at www.laughterremedy.com  We each have the capacity to laugh.  It is up to us to decide if we are going to remain an “adult” and only laugh occasionally, or whether our smallest children have the right idea when they find that so much of our world is worth a smile and giggle.